Why still got problem?????

ok, this post im still complaining, but definitely more positive than the last one...

so now my shooting is under control...still not doing really well, but at least after each training i feel either happy or just contented. of course, still got those moments that still fell zi bei, cos shoot like 90 wif 9 shots, then last shot shuai den become 98 or 99. but v rare lar... most of the time i shoot 96-97.

ok, now for the problem. my shooting is fine, but my studies very not fine. VERY VERY NOT FINE. right now, i dont know how i am going to pass o level chinese... i can count the number of assignments with passing mark with one hand. very very lan

then this week got four tests, two of which i think i am going to fail, chinese and maths. shooting has screwed up my school life like crazy man...

but you know what?

i wouldn't give it up for the world

ILOVESHOOTING!!! P-700-OWER!!!!!

On Saturday, i had a long talk with alex over shooting performance, and it prompted me to write this post.

Currently, my shooting is not going well at all. For the past few months, i have been stuck at a constant 570. i have tried ways and means to improve myself, but these new methods only work for 1 training, then screw me up for the subsequent trainings. I fell into a self-destructive pattern with regards to training. I was tired and sick of failing during training, but most of all i was scared of disappointing my coach, of having him to tell me again with ever increasing exasperation what i was doing wrong. no matter what i did, no matter how closely i followed his instruction, my shots were not going where i wanted them to.

As a result, often i would tell yulin i would go for training, only to back out at the last minute and give some half-assed excuse as to why i did not go. I would spend the afternoon sitting in my room and going through all the cards i shot in sec 2 and ask myself: if i could do it then, why not now? I sincerely say sorry to the people that i had to lie to to cover my insecurity.

I shot a lucky 590 in november, but that was to signal my long-term dip in form. The subsequent months i shot constant 570s, but, then, i was not fazed. I trained as usual and managed to claw my way back to a 580 in april. In may i shot in australia and hit 580 again. The next monthly shoot i also hit a 580. this boosted my confidence level. But for some reason, after that high i dropped back to 570 again. I had felt grateful that my dip in form was finally over, and then before i had a chance to forget it it was back again. I have been stuck at that level until now.

Maybe im weak-minded. Maybe i cannot take failure. I could not get my mind off shooting scores because i was so eager to rise back to my usual standard again. It was as if my good scores were some kind of drug and i was addicted to it. I wanted it so badly, i forgoed the usual routines and changed my position as and when i liked. Everytime i didnt shoot well, i would change my position. I forgot about shooting with body feeling and focused all my attention on the sights.

When i was in sec 1 i remember telling yulin that my greatest fear for shooting was to be a one-hit wonder. Shoot good scores for awhile and then disappear forever. In 2007, suddenly every bad training, every lousy shot and every poorly done competition reminded me of my fear. It was drawing closer everytime i “failed”.

But my talk with alex woke me up. Why do i care about score so much? Doing that would only make me shoot well in the short term. It would only bring me closer to the stage that i was most scared to go to: the short-lived euphoria of a one-hit wonder. Now i realize all this while i was putting up a false front for the people around me. I was trying to help people when i couldn’t even help myself.

So after the chat i made afew resolutions. From now on, i promise not to care about my score during trainings. As long as that training felt good, i’ll be content. I will also not change my position as and when i like. It is no use hankering after score when you are not even comfortable with training. Above all, i’ll keep my promises to train after i tell people i will be going down to Safra. I wonder how i lived with the guilt of knowing that i willingly made empty promises to people...

I hope with all my heart for the better.

Cedric's Birthday pt 2

cedric is finally happy with his card and chicken food
cedric's birthday cake
the cake in dynamic perspective wor...
group photo with cedric's presents...
the best shot of the day... alek and cedric
again...
and again...
the candles are finally lit... cedric makes his wish
dynamic lighting wor...
immediately after blowing :) the candles still GLOW...
Justin and Cedric
First he spoils the picture,then he tries to lick the camera...

Justin and Cedric
the cleaners arrive to clean up...
granny getting bullied
a true glamour shot...
look at alek's elbow...

Cedric's birthday

So far on Monday...

today was quite a nice day. started with a literature presentation about Of Mice and Men. for those of you that don't know, Of Mice and men is a tragedy. a modern tragedy, to be exact...

so my project was to compare Ancient tragedy to Modern tragedy. tackled the question on 2 fronts, 1 on plot structure, and 1 on character development. i feel quite proud of myself now. even though i was not present for the briefing lesson, the teacher still congratulated us on our presentation, saying it was very well done for a 2-member group, compared to other 5-member ones. (one member saved his life by contributing at the last minute)

after that was PE, more soccer again. then recess, where i was chionging some 3 week late compo. after that i realised i could not finish it, then suck up to the teacher, look remorseful, and ask for extension. and he gave it to me! can add this teacher to my "nice teacher list" that has a grand total of one teacher so far.

after school we had PT, where the entire shooting club meets to do physical torture. but this pt was quite fun lor. we went to the newly-opened school gym. quite nice lor, the place. then i chiong to the cycling machine, cos i like cycling. i cycled 5 click in 9.38 minutes, at an average speed of 30 km/h and burned a super grand total of...90 calories. i feel sooooo much healthier man...

but, since i like cycling, i am considering sacrificing every alternate recess to go work out. still thinking.

ok, for today's quote: " i am human... and i am also CHICKEN" cedric, during one of the fantastic4's msn sessions.

unfortunately, no pic todae, cos im using a different comm and the pics are in the other comm. but i promise to upload one, either by itself or in the next post... so thats all for today lor...

what the future holds...

Next week is going to be a crazy week. on Monday, i got some literature presentation that i soloed myself. supposed to have 2 other group members. i decided not to include them. then later that day will have PT, that im sure i will die in because right now my fitness is shit.

on tuesday, not so bad. i wanted to go train on that day, but then i got a literature talk that is actually not compulsory but our teacher wants all of us to go. so i can only start training at abt 4, or 5.

then on wednesday, got an exco meeting. no lah, i'm not exco yet. according to yulin, our seniors just want us to sit in.

on thursday, my mother is flying off to taiwan for a shopping trip, along with some female relatives of mine. shudder. sure kena bankrupt one. will also be training today...

on fri got nothing...thankfully

den saturday train again. and that's it for the post.

ok, now for something new. as some of you know, im quite interested in photography, so sometimes i take my camera out and shoot stuff. and some of them are quite nice. so i shall start a posting photos during each post. and also post some completely random and unrelated quotes.

pic:it was a stream of water, then i took it at high shutter speed. cant rmb any values tho... taken with fujifilm s6500fd


so now the quote:

"Anything is carbonated, Whatever is not" by Granny.

Bu Neng Shuo De Mi Mi

I'm not stable...

Recently my shooting performance has been like a roller-coaster ride. On one training, I adjusted the place that the gun butt sits on. Adjusted it nearer to my body. Then after that I shot minimum 97, so got quite confident.

Then, the next training, I try to do the same thing again. I use my new position and shot a 100 in my 1^st series. Then it started going downhill. My second series shuai 3 times, make the grouping damn horrible. But the thing is the rest of the shots were all tens, and area only about 1¼ the size of the 9 ring. Then comes the third series. I shot like 2 8s to the right within the 1^st five shots. Since only 2^nd series, I decide to push. Refocus, pull the grouping back into the centre by the 7^th shot. Then the rest all 10. the result: like 94-95.

The 4^th and 5^th series cannot remember already, but I know that they not much better than the 2^nd and 3^rd. also the same case, afew tens, then one that shuai very far. After that, depending on my mental condition, I can slowly pull the shots back or I will continue shooting until i finish. I think the final scores were 100-97-94-95-96.

This would sound like a normal bad training, but for me it’s another disappointment. For close to 1½ years, I have been continually changing and tweaking my position until I can shoot stably. I will change position, do well for one training, then do badly for the next 2-3. As a result, I have not felt secure or felt that my position is stable for very long already.

The position that I use to shoot my best scores also make me shoot badly. The position that I use to shoot 100s also make me shuai every other shot. Why can’t I be like other shooters, that change their position once every year or so, and change because their coaches have decided that they have reached that level, and are ready to move on…

I know I am also lucky that I am already shooting at this standard. I also know that there are lots of shooters out there that are also struggling harder than me to improve themselves. So I wonder if I have the place to say these kind of thing. But the thing for me is, that I keep getting false hope. I can shoot 585, then I feel damn happy that I finally reach that standard. Then the next shoot I go in full of confidence, and the shots just don’t work out. My 3 best shoots all result in me doing badly for the next 2 months. The worst was when I shot 588 and 584 two months in a row. After that I was stuck at mid 570 for two months. And not just competition, training during that two months also stuck at 570. so right now, I really don’t know what to do.

I know I don’t usually lament about these kind of things in real life, but aiyah, this is a blog what, whatever I feel I just type lor. How was this for a 1^st post